Fun with Spam

I get about 200 spam emails a day, mostly at work. While the majority of them tell me I've won the lottery in a country I've never been to, or that I can get Viagra for very little money, there are occasionally spam emails of a more mature nature. One thing these emails have in common, other than their sexual content, is a difficulty with basic American idioms and with the English language in general. Here are a few I got recently:

Email 1.

"Hi im Maria im 28 years old.
Opening the vagina.
Look it now!"

Email 2.

"Salma Hayek Stunning presentation.
The pornos is Shocking!"

Email 3.

"Hi, I'm Tatiana. I'm a nice Russian girl.
I'm tired tonight. Want to chat?"

There's nothing technically wrong with this last one, but why would I want to chat with a tired Russian girl? Am I going to chat her to sleep? (I'm pretty sure they mean 'bored' or 'I'm in bed' and just misused a thesaurus.) I realize these are emails sent by the Russian mob to try to get my PayPal account or get me to click on some malware or something, but, seriously, Boris, hire a copywriter. I can't believe there isn't one guy in the Ukraine who went to college in the states and desperately needs money who could look these over and be like, "Guys, it's not 'making fuck.'" Try harder, you silly foreign gangsters!