Post-Election Wrap-Up

Fans of my long defunct food blog Apron, Napkin probably remember this feeling. "Patrick's run off, and we aren't likely to hear from him ever again." It's true, I've been known to be intermittent with my blogging, but it isn't because I don't have ideas. It's that I'm lazy. Very, very lazy. And occasionally too drunk to blog (That was the title of the now-scrapped Dead Kennedys reunion album).

I did have a few post-election thoughts to pass along:

• McCain-Palin lost, in part because they were the inferior ticket, in part because nobody who shared political parties with Bush (or really anything with Bush) would've had much of a shot, and in part because they were the party of Speidi.
  

• As a Californian, I'm pretty ashamed that we voted to pass a constitutional amendment specifically to take away certain people's rights. In fact, I'm very angry about this. What you are reading right now is me holding my temper. If this weren't a blog, I might see cause to raise my voice at certain religious types who believe in magic underwear and marrying multiple people at the same time and converting Jews after they're already dead. I might say something like, "While I'm not completely sure that God doesn't exist (I'm about 99% of the way there), I am damn sure that if he does exist, he didn't bury any sacred texts in Upstate New York." Have you ever been to Palmyra? There is nothing sacred about that shithole. So you can take your magic seeing goggles and your sacred texts and your enchanted salamanders and your prairie garb and go back to that alkaline flat of a state you call home. Anyway, this just proves that certain things are too important to be left up to the people to decide. One of the many reasons I really dislike the Californian form of government. (In all fairness, I should point out that Speidi were against Prop 8. No idea how they felt about that high-speed train we're building.)

• Speaking of the high-speed rail: "But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!" "Sorry, Marge, the mob has spoken." Monorail!
  

• Can we all agree now: Sarah Palin wasn't that hot. I mean, I know at least ten moms who are way hotter than her (and whose politics I can tolerate a lot more). I swear that liberal guys have this thing for conservative women, that they want to be attracted to the hate they feel or something. Repulsion confused with desire. Ann Coulter's been trying to make a career of it now for about a decade, except that she's not attractive.

• If I were Michelle Obama, I wouldn't let Oprah Winfrey anywhere near 44. Did you see the way she was looking at him during the speech?

• Can we all take a minute to worship at the feet of the amazing Nate Silver. Turns out PECOTA is pretty good with elections, too, although he did have Dustin Pedroia winning the state of Massachusetts (If you got any of these reference, it's time to pack up and move out of your mom's basement). Is it any wonder he's a University of Chicago grad?

Okay, so, I'll see you in, what, a month and a half or so? Well, I'll try to make it a more regular thing.

Question of the Day

One of the great things about working at the bookstore that shall remain nameless is that I get to hang out at a lot of author readings. Now, not every author event is fun. Sometimes nobody shows up, sometimes the author is a dick, sometimes the audience is full of dicks, etc. But sometimes the author is cool and the audience is cool, and the event ends up being a total blast.

Such was the case when David Sedaris visited the store. For those who've never been to a David Sedaris event, they can get pretty wild (for a book event, at least), as Sedaris is prone to saying whatever the hell he feels like to pretty much everyone and anyone in attendance. At our event, he told one well-endowed female fan that he loved the way she had chosen to display her fabulous breasts. I've heard stories of him encouraging teenage fans to have sex with paralyzed people ("Do you know any paralyzed people?"..."No." "Well, maybe you can meet some. I recommend hanging out near ramps.") and telling a female fan that she was attractive enough to be a prostitute.

At our event, he had something else in store. He asked everyone who got a book signed (quite a few people) whether or not they thought Barack Obama was circumcised. The results are shown below:



As you can see, the vote was evenly split, with circumcised winning by a nose, which is kind of ironic, really. I'm not sure who voted "1/2" or what that could possibly mean, but I'm quite sure I never want to find out. Sedaris himself said he thought Obama wasn't circumcised, and he had some rationale for it. He thought that, while Obama's mother would probably have wanted him to fit in, she was decidedly a free spirit, which might've made her more inclined to buck tradition in this case. I'm voting uncircumcised, but I don't have a reason. Hell, that's how most people decide to vote for a president, so it ought to be reason enough here.

As Sedaris noted at the event, though, the reasons people gave for voting the way they did were truly, um, illuminating:

"Well, I know he's a Muslim, so..."
Really?
"Well, he was born in Africa..."
Um...

No opinions were offered on the state of John McCain's foreskin because, well, nobody wants to go there.