Eddie Money: The YouTube Chronicles

I'm a little buzzed, which means it's the perfect time to talk about Eddie Money. My obsession with Eddie Money goes all the way back to high school, when he would regularly perform at a nearby racetrack with local star Benny Mardones. For those of you who don't reside in 1986, Benny sang the song "Into the Night," which was a big hit for awhile. It was about statutory rape, as best I can tell ("She's just sixteen years old, leave her alone, they say."), and he was never heard from again...Except in Upstate New York, where he passes for a celebrity and doesn't have to wait in line at the fashionable discotheques. Anyway, about Eddie Money.

By far, the best Eddie Money song is "Take Me Home Tonight." I mean, it's got a classic hook, some really incredible lyrics, and Ronnie Motherfucking Spector sings the refrain. Seriously, Ronnie Spector! But have you seen the video? Oh man, the video is first rate. Check it out and then we'll talk about it:



What's not to love about that video, right? First, can we talk about the lyrics? Now, Chuck Klosterman has famously pointed out that many Bruce Springsteen lyrics are pretty bad, with the strapping of hands across engines and whatnot, but I don't think the Boss ever wrote a line quite as dumb as the first line of "Take Me Home Tonight." The first line, which is repeated later in the song, is "I feel your hunger, it's a hunger." That's not even a metaphor, that's a tautology. And yes, he goes on to talk about how his lust is so strong that it could take over the city and that it isn't "safe to walk the city streets alone." And then there's a car reference that is vintage Springsteen, and then Ronnie Spector sings.

But about the video. First of all, how about that hair. Feathered and fabulous. Guys I know like to brag about how they don't have to spend a lot of time on their hair in the morning...Eddie spent some time on that hair. And you know what, it paid off. His jacket...well, the rest of his wardrobe is back in style (ah, fashion, you cyclical bitch, you), but that jacket...If I live to be 100 years old, that jacket will never be back in style. It's that bad. I recently saw a picture of myself from eighth grade on Facebook in which I was wearing a sweater that was sub-Cosby level, but compared to Eddie's jacket, it was chic.

And how about the mise-en-scene of this particular masterpiece. He's on an empty stage in an empty auditorium. It could be anywhere, but let's imagine that it's the Utica Aud. The great irony now is that the only way they'd let Eddie into an auditorium of that size is if he bought a ticket. Or maybe won tickets from a radio call-in show. At the beginning of the video, Eddie's not real sure he wants to sing. He's a little hungover -- hence the Ray Bans indoors -- but the rhythm starts to take hold of him, and he can't stop. He's a slave to the groove. He pops his collar, the Ray Bans come off, and before you know it, we're finding keys and turning engines on.

The set is appropriately spare, Eddie being a no-frills rocker and all. Just a simple ladder. And where exactly is that ladder going? It's going up, of course.

Then there's the sax solo. I used to play the saxophone, and I can tell you from experience, Eddie never did. He plays the saxophone like a crackhead with Parkinson's. Why have the saxophone there at all? Why did the director of this video think that particular fiction was going to play? If you're going to have him impersonate a saxophonist, why not have him and Ronnie ride off on a winged horse at the end of the video? Both scenarios are equally ridiculous.

The more I see this video, the more I wonder how hard up Ronnie Spector was to be associated with Mr. Money. There aren't ten people with more important voices to rock history than Ronnie Spector, and here she is in a video with a cut-rate Huey Lewis. It's sad. And yet I watch it 2.5 times a day. Go figure.